comunicar de manera asertiva

What is assertiveness? How to communicate assertively?

In today’s post I would like to invite you to reflect on assertiveness.

Assertiveness is the ability to express my opinions, desires, and feelings in an honest and appropriate way, without violating the rights of others and without allowing others to violate mine.

Assertiveness is a social skill that allows us to place ourselves in a middle ground between aggressive communication and passive communication.

It is a competence of emotional intelligence, which combines self-knowledge (knowing how to recognize my emotions) and empathy (observing and knowing the emotions of others) and communication skills (ability to express ourselves in a balanced and appropriate way).

When faced with a problem, you can choose to be a victim and complain or to be a protagonist and act to find the solution and carry it out. You decide the role you want to play


How to Communicate Assertively


• One of the first steps to change these situations is to analyze and become aware of what our behavior is:
What is most important to me when I am asked for something? (I’m looking for recognition, for them to accept me, to value me, to feel that I’m needed…).
How do I feel when they say “no”? (personal rejection, that I’m not valued, that I’m not important, that I’m not loved…).
What do I feel when I want to say “no” in a situation? (guilt, frustration, anxiety, fear,…).

• To develop your assertive communication in the following situations:
– Listen carefully to what the person is telling you, focus not only on what they say, but on how they say it, what their non-verbal language is like, what emotion they express, what you read between the lines with their behavior.
– Observe yourself as if you were an outside observer, what you are feeling in that situation, what emotion it produces in you, what you think about that situation, and what you want to do.
– Express what you think and feel firmly and appropriately. If it’s necessary for you, take some time before answering so you can do it the way you want. Respond honestly and honestly with yourself. Seek consensus and agreement that benefits both of you.

How to Communicate Assertively

4 Techniques to develop your assertiveness:

  1. Broken record technique: consists of repeating your statement over and over again without raising your voice, calmly, without verbal aggression and without entering into provocations.
  2. Fog bank technique: It consists of agreeing with the person, but without the immediate intention of continuing to discuss the initial problem so as not to aggravate it. You have to be very careful with the tone because it can provoke an aggressive reaction from the interlocutor.
  3. Assertive Question Technique: The assertive question technique has as its starting point thinking that the criticism made by our interlocutor is positive. In this way, the person with whom you are arguing stops being your enemy and becomes your ally. To do this, a question is formulated that focuses on how it can be improved. Example: “You never listen to me when I talk to you.” Answer: “What do you think I could do to prevent this from happening again?”

  4. Assertive Postponement Technique:
    This is a very useful technique when you don’t know what to answer at that very moment, when you perceive that you don’t know how to give an effective and clear answer immediately. If the interlocutor insists, it can be alternated with the fog bank. Example: “You never listen to me when I talk to you.” Answer: “It’s not the first time you’ve told me. We’ve talked about it before and you know it’s a delicate thing. I propose that we discuss it at a time that suits both of us later, at this moment I can’t stop what I’m doing because it’s urgent.”

Being assertive involves first becoming aware of what boundaries you want to set in order to maintain your balance.

What would you like to say about assertiveness?

What actions work for you personally to be more assertive?

What does it mean to you to communicate assertively?


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